I Can Be Yellow

It's hard to imagine that I actually survived graduation. It's also hard to imagine that for the first time in 20 years, fall will not hold the beginning of another school year (at least not as a student). As a (semi)productive member of society I am doing things like learning how to write html (or rather use Dreamweaver, which is the cheater version) and how to create an Ezine (it's quite fun) and how to use the new version of Pagemaker (I made a chart of the seminary's constituents and how we communicate with them).
My graduation was followed up with a trip to Bluffton and all the fun that entails (including approximately 22 hours in the car in a 72 hour period). I also got the expected lecture from Gerald telling me I should a) become a pastor or b) continue on and get my Ph.D. Of course, I have no desire to do either of these things right now, but that didn't stop me from waking up in the middle of the night with an overwhelming sense of guilt. But then I remembered two thing, first, I am no longer that person who has to make everyone happy.
Second, I remembered a conversation Amy and I had recently. She said that Western minds are too used to thinking in polarities. So someone will point to the sun and say "Is that black or white?" Well, really it's neither. It is yellow. I sometimes forget that not meeting my own or other's high expectations does not make me a failure, just like meeting those expectations doesn't make me a success. Life is not about polarities. I can be yellow! So this summer (and if I'm really good, maybe for the rest of my life) I'm claiming my "yellow-ness." Yay for me. I can be yellow. And so can you.